The butterfly is a beautiful creature that many are incredibly fond of. Have you ever wanted a wedding filled with these gorgeous, delicate creatures? Now you can have that butterfly themed wedding plus much, much more. With wedding favors decked out in butterflies, as well as a few other tweaks, you could have the butterfly wedding of your dreams.
Let us paint a picture in our minds. We do not need a typical white wedding dress, if you'd prefer not to wear one. Choose maybe a dress of a pastel color, such as a light blue, periwinkle, or pale pink. Instead of releasing doves as the bride comes down the aisle, release elegant butterflies of all types. As the bride steps down to the music of her choice, the butterflies are released moments later, and a rush of color sweeps behind the bride as she walks down the aisle. The altar and the aisle seats are draped in a soft fabric that compliments the pastel color of the bride's dress. The bridesmaids can also be dressed in pastel color dresses, with the groomsmen in matching ties or shirts.
As the ceremony comes to an end, the celebration begins. We enter into a room decorated with tables, chairs, and a stage for music. On each table a white cloth is draped over. In the center of each of these tables a small frame is placed, decorated with butterflies, and the couple being celebrated, smiling in the picture. Surrounding the frame are small butterfly tea lights, which creates an inexpensive centerpiece perfect for low lighting. Small, pewter butterfly card holders are placed around the table displaying the guest's names proudly. A large cake is rolled out decorated with our theme, butterflies in vibrant colors dance around the cake. Bottles of champagne sit next to our beautiful cake, each bottle topped with a butterfly bottle stopper. The guests are greeted by our theme in abundance, but it only gets better.
Each guest can leave with the perfect wedding day favor. Perhaps in the center of each table a few little butterfly bookmark's can be placed. Joining the bookmarks can be butterfly key chains, candles, and magnetic memo clips. The bookmarks are oval and silver, topped with a silver butterfly. A simple silver butterfly key chain is an ideal wedding favor as well. Candles are one item that may be a little tougher because there are just so many to choose from! Should we go with a small pastel one, with a butterfly painted on it? Or perhaps a pewter butterfly that holds a small tea light? If you can not decide which direction you would like to head with candles, there is always a small silver butterfly that also acts as a magnetic memo holder, perfect for any of your guest's fridge!
We wouldn't want to overwhelm guests with too many butterflies, but little wedding favors are perfect with pastel colors. And all of these favors are within any bride's budget! So go wild, and release the butterflies!!
Denise Sanger is the owner of several wedding planning websites including http://buyweddingfavorsonline.com Buy Wedding Favors Online carries a diverse catalog of elegant, yet unique wedding favors including butterfly wedding favors and butterfly wedding accessories.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wedding Planning: A Must To Cherish The Memories Forever
A well planned wedding would result in a perfect wedding ambiance with every thing perfect around. And I am sure you would love to get back to your past to enjoy beauty of your wedding moments.
Congratulations! Finally you are all set to enter into the wedlock. You have already finalized the date and now you are gearing up to plan your wedding ceremony. And I know, you want the occasion to be the best occasion of your life. For that you don't want to leave anything with imperfection. A wedding planning with assistance of a reputed wedding planner would be of great help in your quest to make your wedding an unforgettable event for not only you and your spouse but all guests.
The first and the foremost thing is to decide what kind of wedding you are planning for yourself. You must be clear about the theme that you would love to assign to your wedding.
Once you are clear about the theme of wedding you need to do your bridal preparation accordingly. Your wedding gown, your shoes and your make up all must gel with the theme. You can visit bridal stores to fetch out all that a bride needs on the occasion.
A theme wedding requires you to choose a venue that could be helpful in actualization of the theme that you have chosen for your wedding.
At the time of planning you would also decide on the type of floral arrangement on the venue. For that you may seek assistance of a florist having expertise in extending wedding services. For a theme wedding you are also needed to be very specific about the bridal bouquet. Orders must be given in advance.
Your groom's outfit preparations should also go hand in hand with your preparations. Your wedding planning also includes the number of guests that you would love to invite and accordingly you need to order invitation card. Seeing expected number of guests you should decide on reception and wedding return favors that you would offer to departing guests.
Decision on a wedding cake perfectly suited to the customized wedding is a difficult task. For that you will have to wander from one confectionery to another. Choose a cake that is in consonance with the personalized theme of wedding.
All wedding accessories must be shopped in advance at least two or three days prior the wedding.
However you must plan your wedding as per you budget so that you may not fall short of finances in the midst of preparations. If you really want the memory of your wedding to be cherished by your guests, you need to be very attentive towards pettiest things of the occasion. Music that goes well with the occasion and a beautiful wedding ambiance can add to the beauty and elegance of your marriage. A wedding poem or a beautifully sculpted wedding speech could turn on your guests.
I suggest you to plan out the best for your wedding. A well planned wedding would result in a perfect wedding ambiance with every thing perfect around. And I am sure you would love to get back to your past to enjoy beauty of your wedding moments.
The auther writes articles on different topics. To get more articles on wedding visit http://www.weddingleague.com/
Congratulations! Finally you are all set to enter into the wedlock. You have already finalized the date and now you are gearing up to plan your wedding ceremony. And I know, you want the occasion to be the best occasion of your life. For that you don't want to leave anything with imperfection. A wedding planning with assistance of a reputed wedding planner would be of great help in your quest to make your wedding an unforgettable event for not only you and your spouse but all guests.
The first and the foremost thing is to decide what kind of wedding you are planning for yourself. You must be clear about the theme that you would love to assign to your wedding.
Once you are clear about the theme of wedding you need to do your bridal preparation accordingly. Your wedding gown, your shoes and your make up all must gel with the theme. You can visit bridal stores to fetch out all that a bride needs on the occasion.
A theme wedding requires you to choose a venue that could be helpful in actualization of the theme that you have chosen for your wedding.
At the time of planning you would also decide on the type of floral arrangement on the venue. For that you may seek assistance of a florist having expertise in extending wedding services. For a theme wedding you are also needed to be very specific about the bridal bouquet. Orders must be given in advance.
Your groom's outfit preparations should also go hand in hand with your preparations. Your wedding planning also includes the number of guests that you would love to invite and accordingly you need to order invitation card. Seeing expected number of guests you should decide on reception and wedding return favors that you would offer to departing guests.
Decision on a wedding cake perfectly suited to the customized wedding is a difficult task. For that you will have to wander from one confectionery to another. Choose a cake that is in consonance with the personalized theme of wedding.
All wedding accessories must be shopped in advance at least two or three days prior the wedding.
However you must plan your wedding as per you budget so that you may not fall short of finances in the midst of preparations. If you really want the memory of your wedding to be cherished by your guests, you need to be very attentive towards pettiest things of the occasion. Music that goes well with the occasion and a beautiful wedding ambiance can add to the beauty and elegance of your marriage. A wedding poem or a beautifully sculpted wedding speech could turn on your guests.
I suggest you to plan out the best for your wedding. A well planned wedding would result in a perfect wedding ambiance with every thing perfect around. And I am sure you would love to get back to your past to enjoy beauty of your wedding moments.
The auther writes articles on different topics. To get more articles on wedding visit http://www.weddingleague.com/
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
How to Plan a Wedding Rehearsal
The wedding rehearsal is generally held the day before the wedding. In the case of small, intimate weddings, the rehearsal may consist of only a few minutes of instructions prior to the wedding ceremony. For some insight on how to plan a wedding rehearsal read the article below.
The wedding rehearsal is generally held the day before the wedding. In the case of small, intimate weddings, the rehearsal may consist of only a few minutes of instructions prior to the ceremony. For some insight on how to plan a wedding rehearsal read the article below.The wedding rehearsal allows the participants the opportunity to practice specific duties - ushering, lighting of the candles, entrances and exits, special cues, variations in the service, and so on.The people required to attend the wedding rehearsal are the officiant or his or her representative, the bride and groom, their parents, and all the bridal attendants. Musicians and soloists may or may not attend. You should confer with the officiant concerning any last-minute changes in the order of the wedding ceremony.
How to Plan a Wedding Rehearsal
Make certain the officiant can correctly pronounce the names of the bride and groom. It is best to have only one person to plan the wedding rehearsal. However, your officiant and wedding coordinator may work together, each being responsible for different portions of the wedding rehearsal.You and your bridal attendants may use ribbon bouquets from your showers to practice carrying bouquets. Also, when the musicians are present, they should perform enough of each selection so that everyone is acquainted with the music and aware of any necessary cues.Bring the following items to the wedding rehearsal- cellophane tape (two dispensers for taping cards to gift packages)- guest book and pens- ribbon bouquets- programs
Robert Reno works for Encore Entertainment. His team provides DJs and lighting for Michigan wedding receptions. Visit the following links for more info about the how to plan a wedding rehearsal or the Michigan DJ.
The wedding rehearsal is generally held the day before the wedding. In the case of small, intimate weddings, the rehearsal may consist of only a few minutes of instructions prior to the ceremony. For some insight on how to plan a wedding rehearsal read the article below.The wedding rehearsal allows the participants the opportunity to practice specific duties - ushering, lighting of the candles, entrances and exits, special cues, variations in the service, and so on.The people required to attend the wedding rehearsal are the officiant or his or her representative, the bride and groom, their parents, and all the bridal attendants. Musicians and soloists may or may not attend. You should confer with the officiant concerning any last-minute changes in the order of the wedding ceremony.
How to Plan a Wedding Rehearsal
Make certain the officiant can correctly pronounce the names of the bride and groom. It is best to have only one person to plan the wedding rehearsal. However, your officiant and wedding coordinator may work together, each being responsible for different portions of the wedding rehearsal.You and your bridal attendants may use ribbon bouquets from your showers to practice carrying bouquets. Also, when the musicians are present, they should perform enough of each selection so that everyone is acquainted with the music and aware of any necessary cues.Bring the following items to the wedding rehearsal- cellophane tape (two dispensers for taping cards to gift packages)- guest book and pens- ribbon bouquets- programs
Robert Reno works for Encore Entertainment. His team provides DJs and lighting for Michigan wedding receptions. Visit the following links for more info about the how to plan a wedding rehearsal or the Michigan DJ.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Wedding Day Tips: 5 Easy and Practical Wedding Day Tips For The Bride
There are lots of things to think about when brides plan their wedding. In the rush they tend to forget about taking care of themselves on the day of their wedding. A number of simple but practical tips to help pave the way to truly enjoying the wedding day.
Every bride has lots of things to think about when she’s planning her wedding, but so many tend to forget about taking care of themselves on the day of their wedding. And it’s important that those small, but mighty, details not escape even the most well prepared bride! What should be at the TOP of every bride’s list on the day of her wedding is to relax and enjoy it! Whether you’ve been working with a wedding consultant or have done all the planning and preparation on your own, it’s now the big day and you deserve to have at least as much fun as any of your guests.
Here are 5 simple, but practical tips to help pave the way to truly enjoying your wedding day:
1. Making Up is (not) Hard to Do – Create a Wedding Day Make-Up Bag Two weeks before the wedding, do a complete test of your wedding-day look (make-up, hairdo and shoes) – for as long as you expect to have it together that day so you’ll know if it will “go the distance.”
Put together a little make-up bag for touch ups that you can take along with you the day of the wedding to keep you looking your best. And on the big day, have a friend, bridesmaid or family member hang on to it or stash it somewhere handy so you can get to it when you need it. Be sure to use waterproof mascara, and don’t forget to pack the hairspray!
Hint: When purchasing your make-up, see if you can persuade the sales gal at the cosmetic counter into giving you samples of everything you’re buying (they’ve got ‘em, you know they do) They won’t take up much room and it will be more than enough for the day!
2. Wedding Day “Emergency” Kit – Create an Emergency Kit For Those Unexpected Emergencies Just like the back-up, make-up bag for touch ups (say that three times fast!), consider an “emergency kit” filled with items you may need on your wedding day. Fill a small bag with items such as a travel size sewing kit (you’d be amazed at the magic tricks just one safety pin can perform), clear nail polish (for panty hose/stocking runs), an extra set of panty hose or stockings, throat lozenges and aspirin. Other ideas for the “emergency kit” include tissues, breath mints, tampons, hand cream and band-aids.
Hint: Most of these items can be found in the travel size bins in your local drug store.
3. Food for Thought – Start Your Wedding Day With Healthy & Filling Nourishment Since most brides don’t get to enjoy the meal served at the reception, you really should consider having something to eat before the wedding, no matter how worried you are about how the dress fits! While food may be the last thing on your mind on your wedding day, it’s nonetheless important that you start the day with some healthy and filling nourishment. It’s going to be a long (and wonderful) day and you’ll want to have plenty of energy so you can keep dancing and socializing for hours!
Hint #1: Stash a power bar snack in your purse or “emergency kit”
Hint #2: Pre-arrange for there to be something to eat at your honeymoon hotel (believe it or not, most couples are starving after the wedding day festivities and will want to re-fuel before the wedding night festivities!)
4. If the Shoe Fits – Kick Off The Heels & Settle Into a More Comfortable Shoe You know those stunning, sexy, strappy, ultra-high heels that work perfectly with your wedding gown? They’ll be great for the ceremony and for the formal pictures, but if you’re planning to kick up your heels at the reception, you’ll be better off kicking off the heels and settling into something more comfortable. So get a pretty, more practical pair of shoes that you can change into to keep your dogs from “barking” the entire week after the wedding!
Hint #1: It’s not a bad idea to practice walking in the shoes you’ll be wearing during the ceremony. Take a test run in the shoes AND the wedding gown and get used to both.
Hint #2: Kenneth Cole Reaction makes a snappy little flat, beaded thong that is heavenly comfy, inexpensive and just fancy enough to go with your gown. I’ve got a pair in bronze and black (and they come in white as well) that I carry with me everywhere. Not a bad gift for your bridesmaids either!
5. Point It Out To A “Point Person” – Keep Track of Time With An Itinerary & a Point Person Whether you’ve worked with a wedding consultant or carefully planned everything yourself, you should have an itinerary for the big day. Make copies, give them to a few good friends and/or close family members, then choose someone to be the “point person” who will make sure things are running smoothly and reasonably on time. You will be able to rest easily knowing at least one of your deputies will keep track of the time while you’re busy greeting those out-of-town guests and brand new in-laws whose names you can’t quite remember!
Lesley Mattos, Founder of Adesso Albums helps people all over the world capture the Now in life’s most important moments. Of all the ways to capture your wedding memories, the Adesso Instant Wedding Photo Guest Book is the only guest book alternative that provides an instant memory of your wedding event in both pictures and words. Buy the complete kit today at: http://www.adessoalbums.com/begin-polaroids-p-30.html
Every bride has lots of things to think about when she’s planning her wedding, but so many tend to forget about taking care of themselves on the day of their wedding. And it’s important that those small, but mighty, details not escape even the most well prepared bride! What should be at the TOP of every bride’s list on the day of her wedding is to relax and enjoy it! Whether you’ve been working with a wedding consultant or have done all the planning and preparation on your own, it’s now the big day and you deserve to have at least as much fun as any of your guests.
Here are 5 simple, but practical tips to help pave the way to truly enjoying your wedding day:
1. Making Up is (not) Hard to Do – Create a Wedding Day Make-Up Bag Two weeks before the wedding, do a complete test of your wedding-day look (make-up, hairdo and shoes) – for as long as you expect to have it together that day so you’ll know if it will “go the distance.”
Put together a little make-up bag for touch ups that you can take along with you the day of the wedding to keep you looking your best. And on the big day, have a friend, bridesmaid or family member hang on to it or stash it somewhere handy so you can get to it when you need it. Be sure to use waterproof mascara, and don’t forget to pack the hairspray!
Hint: When purchasing your make-up, see if you can persuade the sales gal at the cosmetic counter into giving you samples of everything you’re buying (they’ve got ‘em, you know they do) They won’t take up much room and it will be more than enough for the day!
2. Wedding Day “Emergency” Kit – Create an Emergency Kit For Those Unexpected Emergencies Just like the back-up, make-up bag for touch ups (say that three times fast!), consider an “emergency kit” filled with items you may need on your wedding day. Fill a small bag with items such as a travel size sewing kit (you’d be amazed at the magic tricks just one safety pin can perform), clear nail polish (for panty hose/stocking runs), an extra set of panty hose or stockings, throat lozenges and aspirin. Other ideas for the “emergency kit” include tissues, breath mints, tampons, hand cream and band-aids.
Hint: Most of these items can be found in the travel size bins in your local drug store.
3. Food for Thought – Start Your Wedding Day With Healthy & Filling Nourishment Since most brides don’t get to enjoy the meal served at the reception, you really should consider having something to eat before the wedding, no matter how worried you are about how the dress fits! While food may be the last thing on your mind on your wedding day, it’s nonetheless important that you start the day with some healthy and filling nourishment. It’s going to be a long (and wonderful) day and you’ll want to have plenty of energy so you can keep dancing and socializing for hours!
Hint #1: Stash a power bar snack in your purse or “emergency kit”
Hint #2: Pre-arrange for there to be something to eat at your honeymoon hotel (believe it or not, most couples are starving after the wedding day festivities and will want to re-fuel before the wedding night festivities!)
4. If the Shoe Fits – Kick Off The Heels & Settle Into a More Comfortable Shoe You know those stunning, sexy, strappy, ultra-high heels that work perfectly with your wedding gown? They’ll be great for the ceremony and for the formal pictures, but if you’re planning to kick up your heels at the reception, you’ll be better off kicking off the heels and settling into something more comfortable. So get a pretty, more practical pair of shoes that you can change into to keep your dogs from “barking” the entire week after the wedding!
Hint #1: It’s not a bad idea to practice walking in the shoes you’ll be wearing during the ceremony. Take a test run in the shoes AND the wedding gown and get used to both.
Hint #2: Kenneth Cole Reaction makes a snappy little flat, beaded thong that is heavenly comfy, inexpensive and just fancy enough to go with your gown. I’ve got a pair in bronze and black (and they come in white as well) that I carry with me everywhere. Not a bad gift for your bridesmaids either!
5. Point It Out To A “Point Person” – Keep Track of Time With An Itinerary & a Point Person Whether you’ve worked with a wedding consultant or carefully planned everything yourself, you should have an itinerary for the big day. Make copies, give them to a few good friends and/or close family members, then choose someone to be the “point person” who will make sure things are running smoothly and reasonably on time. You will be able to rest easily knowing at least one of your deputies will keep track of the time while you’re busy greeting those out-of-town guests and brand new in-laws whose names you can’t quite remember!
Lesley Mattos, Founder of Adesso Albums helps people all over the world capture the Now in life’s most important moments. Of all the ways to capture your wedding memories, the Adesso Instant Wedding Photo Guest Book is the only guest book alternative that provides an instant memory of your wedding event in both pictures and words. Buy the complete kit today at: http://www.adessoalbums.com/begin-polaroids-p-30.html
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Beyond the Arch of Swords: Making Military Marriage Last
Melissa Wallace of Camp Pendleton, California is a tall, wispy woman, with a soft voice and gentle smile. The wife of 25-years to a Sgt. Maj. in the Marine Corps, Melissa and her husband John talk wistfully about the life that is soon to be behind them, as Sgt. Maj. Wallace prepares for retirement. Melissa and John were married in 1976. Several years later, following the birth of their first son, John enlisted in the Marine Corps in hopes of finding a better life for his young family. Together the Wallace’s have seen four states, two countries and added three more sons to their family. They have survived two overseas tours, one that was unaccompanied, and an average of three deployments a year for the last 20 years. They celebrated their silver anniversary this past fall. There is no doubt that Melissa and John have faced challenges that have crumbled lesser marriages. Yet, looking at them today, there is no doubt they are as much in love as the day they married.
Melissa reflects, “Throughout John’s service to the Corps, I’ve often been asked what it’s like to be married in the military. At first thought, I’d reply that marriage is marriage no matter the circumstances. But to say so would deny all the positive effects the military has had on our life together, and there have been many. Marriage in the military is tough. It is full of every challenge and adversity you could imagine. Yet, it’s those challenges that make us stronger and ultimately make our marriage better.”
Emily Travis can relate to challenges. A new bride of the military, Emily and her husband Todd are currently undergoing a six-month separation, just two months on the heels of their nuptials. Emily is 20-years old and away from home for the first time in her life while her husband, Naval Petty Officer Travis, is “on a big, gray boat, oceans away.”
“I miss him dearly,” muses Emily, “but I try not to dwell on that. I wouldn’t have chosen to have my husband away from me, but since he is, I’m taking this as an opportunity to show Todd the strength of my love for him. It takes real effort to nurture a relationship like ours, and I feel fortunate to have the chance to prove I’ll be here for him no matter what, regardless of how long I have to wait.”
The day-to-day details of marriage military style may vary, but the underlying theme is the same. Marriage requires commitment, understanding and patience, even under the best of circumstances. The demanding circumstances of military life lend even more importance to adhering to these values. Relationship expert Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D., author of Real Moments, writes, “Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get, it’s something you do...marriage is not a wedding ring, or a piece of paper that proves you are husband and wife, or a party that says you’ve been married for twenty-five years. Marriage is a behavior—it is how you love and honor your partner every day…it is a choice you make, not just on your wedding day, but over and over again, and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.”
Melissa Wallace shares a tradition that she and her husband used during deployments and other separations to enrich their marriage. “We kept individual journals all the time. The journals were written for each other and were like one big, long letter of all our hopes and fears and feelings. Whenever John would go away, we’d exchange them. With these journals, it was almost like we were still together, because we’d share all the day-to-day things you miss out on when you’re apart. Not only that, but we always seemed to learn new, special things about one another we wouldn’t have known otherwise. We still cherish these books years later. It’s like a chronicle of how far we’ve come in our marriage.”
Staying close is important for all couples—even those separated only as far as the next room in the house. Military requirements are not necessarily easier simply because you share the same living space. Long hours and demanding occupational specialties coupled with family responsibilities, can leave even the closest couples with little time to connect. Having that connection however, is the glue that sticks families together through the trials of military life. Yet, surviving the trials is only the first step towards a successful military marriage. Couples must also learn to make something positive of the challenges and come to understand that each challenge is just another opportunity in disguise for growth, both as individuals and as a couple.
Emily Travis chose to go back to school in her husband’s absence—something she feels she would not have chosen to do otherwise. “Todd is having a multitude of new experiences and I know he’ll be different because of them when he comes home,” she relates. “That makes me want to have new experiences and better myself too. I think it’s important not to stagnate myself and stop growing, just because I’m waiting to be reunited with my husband.”
Deployments, separations, and even the most successful career in the military will eventually end, but marriage is meant to last a lifetime. It is a lesson the Wallace’s learned early. “Did we have problems? Absolutely. Were there times I wanted to say it’s the Marine Corps or me? Yes. And were there times we were so thick in the middle of our difficulties we couldn’t see a way out? Most definitely. But those were the times we dug in our heels and just held on. Everything changes. It was just a matter of holding on until better days came, and when they did, we were amazed at how much closer we were for having endured together, and how much our marriage had been strengthened by our faith to stay.”
A party was recently given in honor of John and Melissa by co-workers and friends from Camp Pendleton. John gave a speech about his time in the Corps and what it meant to have Melissa by his side the whole way. He spoke of his years of service, the happiness they had shared and the tears they had shed. He talked of the achievements and honors he had gained in the Corps. Yet, to sum up, he had only one thing to say. “I am the Marine,” relates John, “but Melissa gives me the heart.”
Barbara Eastom-Bates has been married to the Marine Corps for eight years, and is the mother of two children. She is the author of the upcoming release, "Basic Training for Brides-to-Be," and develops quality of life media for LIFELines Services Network. Her work additionally appears in Good Sense and Military Spouse magazines.
Melissa reflects, “Throughout John’s service to the Corps, I’ve often been asked what it’s like to be married in the military. At first thought, I’d reply that marriage is marriage no matter the circumstances. But to say so would deny all the positive effects the military has had on our life together, and there have been many. Marriage in the military is tough. It is full of every challenge and adversity you could imagine. Yet, it’s those challenges that make us stronger and ultimately make our marriage better.”
Emily Travis can relate to challenges. A new bride of the military, Emily and her husband Todd are currently undergoing a six-month separation, just two months on the heels of their nuptials. Emily is 20-years old and away from home for the first time in her life while her husband, Naval Petty Officer Travis, is “on a big, gray boat, oceans away.”
“I miss him dearly,” muses Emily, “but I try not to dwell on that. I wouldn’t have chosen to have my husband away from me, but since he is, I’m taking this as an opportunity to show Todd the strength of my love for him. It takes real effort to nurture a relationship like ours, and I feel fortunate to have the chance to prove I’ll be here for him no matter what, regardless of how long I have to wait.”
The day-to-day details of marriage military style may vary, but the underlying theme is the same. Marriage requires commitment, understanding and patience, even under the best of circumstances. The demanding circumstances of military life lend even more importance to adhering to these values. Relationship expert Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D., author of Real Moments, writes, “Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get, it’s something you do...marriage is not a wedding ring, or a piece of paper that proves you are husband and wife, or a party that says you’ve been married for twenty-five years. Marriage is a behavior—it is how you love and honor your partner every day…it is a choice you make, not just on your wedding day, but over and over again, and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.”
Melissa Wallace shares a tradition that she and her husband used during deployments and other separations to enrich their marriage. “We kept individual journals all the time. The journals were written for each other and were like one big, long letter of all our hopes and fears and feelings. Whenever John would go away, we’d exchange them. With these journals, it was almost like we were still together, because we’d share all the day-to-day things you miss out on when you’re apart. Not only that, but we always seemed to learn new, special things about one another we wouldn’t have known otherwise. We still cherish these books years later. It’s like a chronicle of how far we’ve come in our marriage.”
Staying close is important for all couples—even those separated only as far as the next room in the house. Military requirements are not necessarily easier simply because you share the same living space. Long hours and demanding occupational specialties coupled with family responsibilities, can leave even the closest couples with little time to connect. Having that connection however, is the glue that sticks families together through the trials of military life. Yet, surviving the trials is only the first step towards a successful military marriage. Couples must also learn to make something positive of the challenges and come to understand that each challenge is just another opportunity in disguise for growth, both as individuals and as a couple.
Emily Travis chose to go back to school in her husband’s absence—something she feels she would not have chosen to do otherwise. “Todd is having a multitude of new experiences and I know he’ll be different because of them when he comes home,” she relates. “That makes me want to have new experiences and better myself too. I think it’s important not to stagnate myself and stop growing, just because I’m waiting to be reunited with my husband.”
Deployments, separations, and even the most successful career in the military will eventually end, but marriage is meant to last a lifetime. It is a lesson the Wallace’s learned early. “Did we have problems? Absolutely. Were there times I wanted to say it’s the Marine Corps or me? Yes. And were there times we were so thick in the middle of our difficulties we couldn’t see a way out? Most definitely. But those were the times we dug in our heels and just held on. Everything changes. It was just a matter of holding on until better days came, and when they did, we were amazed at how much closer we were for having endured together, and how much our marriage had been strengthened by our faith to stay.”
A party was recently given in honor of John and Melissa by co-workers and friends from Camp Pendleton. John gave a speech about his time in the Corps and what it meant to have Melissa by his side the whole way. He spoke of his years of service, the happiness they had shared and the tears they had shed. He talked of the achievements and honors he had gained in the Corps. Yet, to sum up, he had only one thing to say. “I am the Marine,” relates John, “but Melissa gives me the heart.”
Barbara Eastom-Bates has been married to the Marine Corps for eight years, and is the mother of two children. She is the author of the upcoming release, "Basic Training for Brides-to-Be," and develops quality of life media for LIFELines Services Network. Her work additionally appears in Good Sense and Military Spouse magazines.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Pre-marriage Counseling: Why Would You Bother?
In the rush, the excitement, not to mention the incredible organizational pressure of organizing your wedding, many people don’t care to think about something as mundane and as sober as pre-marriage counseling. Well your wedding is one day in your life, but your marriage is all the rest of the days that come after it. No other relationship, except perhaps parenthood, even comes close in terms of the challenges and triumphs of marriage. It is the most intimate relationship created by choice that is humanly possible.
I had a friend who was getting married to her long time partner. They had lived together for a number of years, and owned property together. It seemed that marriage would simply perfect what they had - make it permanent. After my friend told me about their plans, I asked a question: ‘Have you though about pre-marriage counseling?’ The question surprised her.
In the rush, the excitement, not to mention the incredible organizational pressure of organizing your wedding, many people don’t care to think about something as mundane and as sober as pre-marriage counseling. Why rain on the parade? Why descend from cloud nine? Why try to squeeze it in, with all the other things that have to be organized? (Who needs it, anyway?)
Well, this is why: your wedding is one day in your life, but your marriage is all the rest of the days that come after it. No other relationship, except perhaps parenthood, even comes close in terms of the challenges and triumphs of marriage. It is the most intimate relationship created by choice that is humanly possible.
Both couples and individuals seek financial planning to maximize their wealth; businesses value succession planning; students make plans about their career path long before they finish their education. There’s a famous saying that says ‘If you fail to plan, you plan to fail’. Part of planning to succeed in marriage is taking the time to look forward, to survey the land you are going to travel across, taking note of the mountains and the valleys, the difficult crossings and the pleasant, easy places. Pre-marriage counseling will enable you to do that for your marriage.
But isn't living together a good enough preparation? The answer, unfortunately, is NO. Statistics show that divorces are actually higher among people who marry after having a de-facto relationship with each other. There is something about marriage that distinguishes from simply living together – which means that pre-marriage counseling is incredibly pertinent to de-facto couples. It’s a way of learning how to successfully make the transition from one kind of relationship to another.
What stops people from this kind of preparation? One of the big issues is: “what if the issues raised stop us from getting married?” Here are some points to consider:
Firstly, you may get some surprises. For example it’s possible that, even if you have lived together, some of your partner’s attitudes to certain things that matter to the relationship (such as communication, gender roles, and children) have so far escaped your notice. Pre-marriage counseling will help you see differences that have an impact – not in order to discourage you, but in order to help you plan ways of overcoming or resolving them. Think of it as an opportunity to become creative problem-solvers and relationship builders. Marriage is an art, and you will be honing your relationship skills to a greater level than you ever have before.
You will have the opportunity to understand the issues that are ‘deal-breakers’, and to discuss them, before you enter into ‘wedlock’. Do you both want children? What will you do if it turns out one of you doesn't? What are your values when it comes to money? What kind of treatment can you live with from your partner? How will you settle disputes? Does one of you have the final say, or is every decision made by consensus?
Secondly, yes, things may come up that give pause to one or both of you – things that may make you decide to postpone your wedding until they are resolved. Don’t be afraid to face these issues before you walk down the aisle. It is easier to work through some issues before the event, than when you are married and the stakes are far higher.
So, where can you go for pre-marriage counseling?
If you are planning to be married in a Christian church, you are very likely to be required to do a certain amount of preparation for marriage. One of the resources that Christian ministers use in Australia is called Prepare, and there may be other, similar resources. Ask the minister celebrating your marriage about marriage preparation when you meet with them.
However, if you are planning a civil ceremony, marriage preparation is still readily available, and of great value. Relationships Australia, or any family and marriage counseling service, can provide the preparation you want. Fees vary, but pre-marital counseling will likely be by far the least expensive item you purchase for your wedding!
If you are open to considering pre-marital counseling (marriage preparation), then you are a candidate for a great marriage. Opening up your relationship to receive advice requires humility, and humility is one quality that creates success in life. Another name for humility is teach-ability. If you and your partner are ready to learn new things about your relationship and how to make it the best it can be, then the world is your oyster.
Emma West is a member of the WedWeb Wedding Directory team. WedWeb is the place to plan your Australian wedding. Its also a great resource for wedding articles and wedding jokes. Emma is also a professional musician. Visit her live classical music business at www.heavenstrings.com.au
I had a friend who was getting married to her long time partner. They had lived together for a number of years, and owned property together. It seemed that marriage would simply perfect what they had - make it permanent. After my friend told me about their plans, I asked a question: ‘Have you though about pre-marriage counseling?’ The question surprised her.
In the rush, the excitement, not to mention the incredible organizational pressure of organizing your wedding, many people don’t care to think about something as mundane and as sober as pre-marriage counseling. Why rain on the parade? Why descend from cloud nine? Why try to squeeze it in, with all the other things that have to be organized? (Who needs it, anyway?)
Well, this is why: your wedding is one day in your life, but your marriage is all the rest of the days that come after it. No other relationship, except perhaps parenthood, even comes close in terms of the challenges and triumphs of marriage. It is the most intimate relationship created by choice that is humanly possible.
Both couples and individuals seek financial planning to maximize their wealth; businesses value succession planning; students make plans about their career path long before they finish their education. There’s a famous saying that says ‘If you fail to plan, you plan to fail’. Part of planning to succeed in marriage is taking the time to look forward, to survey the land you are going to travel across, taking note of the mountains and the valleys, the difficult crossings and the pleasant, easy places. Pre-marriage counseling will enable you to do that for your marriage.
But isn't living together a good enough preparation? The answer, unfortunately, is NO. Statistics show that divorces are actually higher among people who marry after having a de-facto relationship with each other. There is something about marriage that distinguishes from simply living together – which means that pre-marriage counseling is incredibly pertinent to de-facto couples. It’s a way of learning how to successfully make the transition from one kind of relationship to another.
What stops people from this kind of preparation? One of the big issues is: “what if the issues raised stop us from getting married?” Here are some points to consider:
Firstly, you may get some surprises. For example it’s possible that, even if you have lived together, some of your partner’s attitudes to certain things that matter to the relationship (such as communication, gender roles, and children) have so far escaped your notice. Pre-marriage counseling will help you see differences that have an impact – not in order to discourage you, but in order to help you plan ways of overcoming or resolving them. Think of it as an opportunity to become creative problem-solvers and relationship builders. Marriage is an art, and you will be honing your relationship skills to a greater level than you ever have before.
You will have the opportunity to understand the issues that are ‘deal-breakers’, and to discuss them, before you enter into ‘wedlock’. Do you both want children? What will you do if it turns out one of you doesn't? What are your values when it comes to money? What kind of treatment can you live with from your partner? How will you settle disputes? Does one of you have the final say, or is every decision made by consensus?
Secondly, yes, things may come up that give pause to one or both of you – things that may make you decide to postpone your wedding until they are resolved. Don’t be afraid to face these issues before you walk down the aisle. It is easier to work through some issues before the event, than when you are married and the stakes are far higher.
So, where can you go for pre-marriage counseling?
If you are planning to be married in a Christian church, you are very likely to be required to do a certain amount of preparation for marriage. One of the resources that Christian ministers use in Australia is called Prepare, and there may be other, similar resources. Ask the minister celebrating your marriage about marriage preparation when you meet with them.
However, if you are planning a civil ceremony, marriage preparation is still readily available, and of great value. Relationships Australia, or any family and marriage counseling service, can provide the preparation you want. Fees vary, but pre-marital counseling will likely be by far the least expensive item you purchase for your wedding!
If you are open to considering pre-marital counseling (marriage preparation), then you are a candidate for a great marriage. Opening up your relationship to receive advice requires humility, and humility is one quality that creates success in life. Another name for humility is teach-ability. If you and your partner are ready to learn new things about your relationship and how to make it the best it can be, then the world is your oyster.
Emma West is a member of the WedWeb Wedding Directory team. WedWeb is the place to plan your Australian wedding. Its also a great resource for wedding articles and wedding jokes. Emma is also a professional musician. Visit her live classical music business at www.heavenstrings.com.au
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Eloping: Will You Avoid Family Drama or Stir It Up?
So you’re engaged and thinking of eloping! Congratulations on finding your life mate. As you well know there are a number of reasons to elope:
Need to get married fast
Want to avoid family drama
Want to save money
No interest or time in planning a wedding
There aren’t enough people in your life to make it worth a wedding
While we believe weddings are a great way to gather family, friends, and community to celebrate a union, we would never tell anyone to not elope. Usually they are simply opting for many small occasions where they’ll celebrate a new marriage.
On the other hand, often couples who decide to elope meet reactions and emotions they are unprepared for:
Anger
Shock
Confusion
Sadness
Sometimes to appease the negative feelings, couples have a wedding reception at a later date to gather loved ones. But they are shocked when a simple reception turns into the wedding drama and stress they were trying to avoid. All the emotions people have about showing off the new member of the family, about their son or daughter tying the knot, or about their lack of control over your decision to elope may result in madness around the reception.
Whatever the reason you chose to elope, trust that you are not escaping family drama. It may show up just before you elope, at the first major family birthday or holiday after your elopement, or at your one year anniversary. Rarely do families accept a new “in-law” without complex emotions and attitudes.
Wedding planning, on the other hand, is often an extended view of the first years of marriage where every stakeholder in your life comes out to express their opinion about you and your relationship, about everyone in the extended clan, and about your life decisions. By eloping you may be forcing those bottled emotions to spring forth in surprising ways. Be prepared! While some people make horrible mistakes in wedding planning that haunt them for years into their marriage (attacking in laws during a wedding planning meltdown moment, for example), the choice to elope may be an equally dramatic “mistake” in the eyes of your family.
Our book Take Back Your Wedding helps you navigate the landmine of emotions you are about to create or have already created. It’s really about how to be married as a couple with your families—and things to avoid early in your marriage. Because no matter how the paperwork gets signed, you are creating a new family for each other and making in-laws out of your parents and siblings with your new mate.
An important tool for any engaged couple is to take Premarital Education. Many faith communities require it but outside of that arena, too few couples take advantages of this terrific learning opportunity. We have just the tool for you to get exposed to premarital education. We offer a premarital inventory called The Couple Check Up, created by one of the nations top marriage inventory companies. For only $30 you will get a personalized report of your relationship, areas of strength and areas of growth opportunity. I took it with my husband and it was an eye opening experience to see how you "stack up" against millions of other couples.
All our best for your marriage and beyond.
Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Dr. William J. Doherty. The First Dance was a Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner in 2007 for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. Visit The First Dance for more advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.
Need to get married fast
Want to avoid family drama
Want to save money
No interest or time in planning a wedding
There aren’t enough people in your life to make it worth a wedding
While we believe weddings are a great way to gather family, friends, and community to celebrate a union, we would never tell anyone to not elope. Usually they are simply opting for many small occasions where they’ll celebrate a new marriage.
On the other hand, often couples who decide to elope meet reactions and emotions they are unprepared for:
Anger
Shock
Confusion
Sadness
Sometimes to appease the negative feelings, couples have a wedding reception at a later date to gather loved ones. But they are shocked when a simple reception turns into the wedding drama and stress they were trying to avoid. All the emotions people have about showing off the new member of the family, about their son or daughter tying the knot, or about their lack of control over your decision to elope may result in madness around the reception.
Whatever the reason you chose to elope, trust that you are not escaping family drama. It may show up just before you elope, at the first major family birthday or holiday after your elopement, or at your one year anniversary. Rarely do families accept a new “in-law” without complex emotions and attitudes.
Wedding planning, on the other hand, is often an extended view of the first years of marriage where every stakeholder in your life comes out to express their opinion about you and your relationship, about everyone in the extended clan, and about your life decisions. By eloping you may be forcing those bottled emotions to spring forth in surprising ways. Be prepared! While some people make horrible mistakes in wedding planning that haunt them for years into their marriage (attacking in laws during a wedding planning meltdown moment, for example), the choice to elope may be an equally dramatic “mistake” in the eyes of your family.
Our book Take Back Your Wedding helps you navigate the landmine of emotions you are about to create or have already created. It’s really about how to be married as a couple with your families—and things to avoid early in your marriage. Because no matter how the paperwork gets signed, you are creating a new family for each other and making in-laws out of your parents and siblings with your new mate.
An important tool for any engaged couple is to take Premarital Education. Many faith communities require it but outside of that arena, too few couples take advantages of this terrific learning opportunity. We have just the tool for you to get exposed to premarital education. We offer a premarital inventory called The Couple Check Up, created by one of the nations top marriage inventory companies. For only $30 you will get a personalized report of your relationship, areas of strength and areas of growth opportunity. I took it with my husband and it was an eye opening experience to see how you "stack up" against millions of other couples.
All our best for your marriage and beyond.
Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Dr. William J. Doherty. The First Dance was a Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner in 2007 for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. Visit The First Dance for more advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
What to Ask Before Tying the Knot
Rumor has it that "Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying," a Dec. 17, 2006, New York Times list of 15 key questions, was the second most e-mailed story at NYTimes.com last year and the third most read article on its Web site for 2006. I’ve been interviewed several times by reporters asking my opinion about the questions. Apparently, inquiring minds want to know the answer to the sixty-four thousand dollar question, “Does knowing one’s fiancée’s values, goals and aspirations increase the odds a couple will live happily ever after?”
As someone who for several decades has specialized in working with couples teetering on the brink of divorce, I must admit I have a few opinions about this. First of all, I’m convinced that far too many couples tie the knot when they are still in the infatuation stage of their relationship, a time when hormones run amok and lust looms large. They don’t do their homework up front; they fail to really get to know how their partners feel about the inevitable life-altering decisions. It amazes me how much faith people have that healthy, happy marriages just happen. They don’t.
So, on one hand, I’m glad people are giving some thought to interviewing their prospective mates about their life’s goals, ambitions and aspirations. It may go a long way to weed out blatant mismatches. (Although the cynical side of me wonders whether incompatible responses to important questions would bring wedding plans to a screeching halt or simply become debris that gets swept under the carpet to be dealt with post nup.) Nonetheless, approaching marriage consciously and intentionally is always a good thing.
However, I’m equally convinced that knowing your prospective mate’s thoughts about a variety of relationship issues does not provide future “love insurance”. Here’s why. The late John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.” No matter how much a couple agrees on whether they want children and if so, how many, how they’ll handle finances and household chores, how they’ll decide on religious issues or matters of sexuality, and so on and so on, the truth is, how people feel often changes over time. For example, I recently worked with a young Mormon couple who totally agreed prior to marriage that they would be an active part of the LDS church. The wife had converted because she was committed to the idea from the outset. However, as time passed, there was much about the religion with which she didn’t feel comfortable. Because she had agreed to convert, she felt guilty about her discomfort and failed to share it with her husband. Over time, her feelings of resentment grew and when she felt she could no longer stand the pressure, she filed for divorce.
Plus, regardless of how crystal clear you might be about your goals and direction for your marriage, life often has a funny way of throwing you curves. Then what? I have worked with many couples over the years who have agreed in advance that they want children. They even agreed on the number of children they desired as well as the date they wanted to become pregnant. However, eventually these couples learned sad news they hadn’t even considered- they were unable to conceive. Months and years of frustration, hurt, disappointment and mutual blaming frequently took a toll on their marriages. Tragically, many ended up divorced. They talked about having kids, they simply failed to talk about what happens if nature doesn’t cooperate.
Similarly, I work with couples day in and day out who are very passionate during the early stages of their marriage. They even discuss the importance of maintaining passion and physical affection in their relationship over time. But alas, kids happen. Busy jobs happen. Resentment happens. Bickering takes the place of watching movies together in the evening. Sex stops happening. All of a sudden, the plans to keep sex juicy now seem like nothing more than a faded memory. And they’re both too tired to do anything about it. Who knew?
So, is marriage nothing more than a crap shoot? Does it pay to know anything about your mate-to-be at all? Good question. Here’s the good news. Marriage isn’t a crap shoot at all. In fact, we now know a great deal about what it takes to make marriages last and help people grow old together?happily. Sure, you should ask the big questions up front and steer clear of people whose basic values and goals clash with yours. That’s Relationship 101. But don’t let those little check marks next to your compatible responses give you a false sense of security. Go the extra mile. Here’s what you really need to know about your partner given the uncertainty of life’s meandering path.
Regardless of your level of compatibility, conflict in marriage is inevitable. One of the most important things you need to know is whether your partner can stand the heat. Will s/he be willing to get help when the going gets tough. Is s/he willing to take a marriage education class to learn the necessary skills to get and keep your marriage on track or back on track? Would s/he be willing to go to a qualified marriage counselor or speak to your pastor or rabbi? And if you’re going to talk, talk about the taboo, x-rated subjects. Discuss infidelity, infertility, aging parents, job layoffs, unexpected illnesses or deaths. Talk about the hard stuff. Does your partner know that over two thirds of what couples argue about in marriage is unresolvable? Does s/he know the predictable transitional stages that ALL marriages go through regardless of how much couples love each other? Does your mate know that while marriage is still one of the greatest institutions on earth, it’s not for the faint of heart? In fact, it’s damn hard work. And since it only takes one person to end a marriage, you might want to ask your partner, “Under what circumstances would you feel that our marriage would be over?” I know this question isn’t pretty or romantic, far from it, but since most divorces are unilateral decisions, it might help to know what might prompt your spouse to call it quits. It could be a deal breaker.
So, here’s the bottom line from the Divorce Buster. Don’t place too much weight on those compatibility quizzes. Be more impressed with your partner’s level of commitment. With the right attitude and adequate set of relationship skills, even the quirkiest of personality differences or opposing life goals can be worked through. Know your prospective partner’s willingness to stay the course even when love isn’t easy.
Read More of Michele's Articles
2007 Copyright - Michele Weiner-Davis. All rights reserved.
As someone who for several decades has specialized in working with couples teetering on the brink of divorce, I must admit I have a few opinions about this. First of all, I’m convinced that far too many couples tie the knot when they are still in the infatuation stage of their relationship, a time when hormones run amok and lust looms large. They don’t do their homework up front; they fail to really get to know how their partners feel about the inevitable life-altering decisions. It amazes me how much faith people have that healthy, happy marriages just happen. They don’t.
So, on one hand, I’m glad people are giving some thought to interviewing their prospective mates about their life’s goals, ambitions and aspirations. It may go a long way to weed out blatant mismatches. (Although the cynical side of me wonders whether incompatible responses to important questions would bring wedding plans to a screeching halt or simply become debris that gets swept under the carpet to be dealt with post nup.) Nonetheless, approaching marriage consciously and intentionally is always a good thing.
However, I’m equally convinced that knowing your prospective mate’s thoughts about a variety of relationship issues does not provide future “love insurance”. Here’s why. The late John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.” No matter how much a couple agrees on whether they want children and if so, how many, how they’ll handle finances and household chores, how they’ll decide on religious issues or matters of sexuality, and so on and so on, the truth is, how people feel often changes over time. For example, I recently worked with a young Mormon couple who totally agreed prior to marriage that they would be an active part of the LDS church. The wife had converted because she was committed to the idea from the outset. However, as time passed, there was much about the religion with which she didn’t feel comfortable. Because she had agreed to convert, she felt guilty about her discomfort and failed to share it with her husband. Over time, her feelings of resentment grew and when she felt she could no longer stand the pressure, she filed for divorce.
Plus, regardless of how crystal clear you might be about your goals and direction for your marriage, life often has a funny way of throwing you curves. Then what? I have worked with many couples over the years who have agreed in advance that they want children. They even agreed on the number of children they desired as well as the date they wanted to become pregnant. However, eventually these couples learned sad news they hadn’t even considered- they were unable to conceive. Months and years of frustration, hurt, disappointment and mutual blaming frequently took a toll on their marriages. Tragically, many ended up divorced. They talked about having kids, they simply failed to talk about what happens if nature doesn’t cooperate.
Similarly, I work with couples day in and day out who are very passionate during the early stages of their marriage. They even discuss the importance of maintaining passion and physical affection in their relationship over time. But alas, kids happen. Busy jobs happen. Resentment happens. Bickering takes the place of watching movies together in the evening. Sex stops happening. All of a sudden, the plans to keep sex juicy now seem like nothing more than a faded memory. And they’re both too tired to do anything about it. Who knew?
So, is marriage nothing more than a crap shoot? Does it pay to know anything about your mate-to-be at all? Good question. Here’s the good news. Marriage isn’t a crap shoot at all. In fact, we now know a great deal about what it takes to make marriages last and help people grow old together?happily. Sure, you should ask the big questions up front and steer clear of people whose basic values and goals clash with yours. That’s Relationship 101. But don’t let those little check marks next to your compatible responses give you a false sense of security. Go the extra mile. Here’s what you really need to know about your partner given the uncertainty of life’s meandering path.
Regardless of your level of compatibility, conflict in marriage is inevitable. One of the most important things you need to know is whether your partner can stand the heat. Will s/he be willing to get help when the going gets tough. Is s/he willing to take a marriage education class to learn the necessary skills to get and keep your marriage on track or back on track? Would s/he be willing to go to a qualified marriage counselor or speak to your pastor or rabbi? And if you’re going to talk, talk about the taboo, x-rated subjects. Discuss infidelity, infertility, aging parents, job layoffs, unexpected illnesses or deaths. Talk about the hard stuff. Does your partner know that over two thirds of what couples argue about in marriage is unresolvable? Does s/he know the predictable transitional stages that ALL marriages go through regardless of how much couples love each other? Does your mate know that while marriage is still one of the greatest institutions on earth, it’s not for the faint of heart? In fact, it’s damn hard work. And since it only takes one person to end a marriage, you might want to ask your partner, “Under what circumstances would you feel that our marriage would be over?” I know this question isn’t pretty or romantic, far from it, but since most divorces are unilateral decisions, it might help to know what might prompt your spouse to call it quits. It could be a deal breaker.
So, here’s the bottom line from the Divorce Buster. Don’t place too much weight on those compatibility quizzes. Be more impressed with your partner’s level of commitment. With the right attitude and adequate set of relationship skills, even the quirkiest of personality differences or opposing life goals can be worked through. Know your prospective partner’s willingness to stay the course even when love isn’t easy.
Read More of Michele's Articles
2007 Copyright - Michele Weiner-Davis. All rights reserved.
Ten Tips for having a Smart Marriage
1. Marriage matters. Married people & their kids do better on all measures of health, wealth, happiness, & success. And, married folks report having more & better sex than single or divorced people.
2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.
3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.
4. Love is not an absolute (a yes or no situation) and it’s not limited substance. It's a feeling and feelings ebb and flow depending on how we treat each other. We can learn new ways to interact and the feelings “of being in love” can come flowing back, often stronger than before.
5. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.
6. Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.
7. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.
8. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.
9. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!
10. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the courses, discuss what you liked best – which ideas were most helpful. Decide which courses to recommend to your kids, friends and family – which to give as wedding, anniversary and new baby gifts. The courses don't tell you what kind of marriage to have. That's up to you. They give you the tools – the hammers, screwdrivers, and levels – so you can build the kind of marriage that suits you, one which can help you to negotiate, and renegotiate, your own values, meaning, and goals.
Find a class at http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html Strengthen your own marriage and/or learn how to become a Marriage Educator and teach the courses in your community. Diane Sollee, founder director, www.SmartMarriages.com®
2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.
3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.
4. Love is not an absolute (a yes or no situation) and it’s not limited substance. It's a feeling and feelings ebb and flow depending on how we treat each other. We can learn new ways to interact and the feelings “of being in love” can come flowing back, often stronger than before.
5. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.
6. Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.
7. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.
8. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.
9. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!
10. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the courses, discuss what you liked best – which ideas were most helpful. Decide which courses to recommend to your kids, friends and family – which to give as wedding, anniversary and new baby gifts. The courses don't tell you what kind of marriage to have. That's up to you. They give you the tools – the hammers, screwdrivers, and levels – so you can build the kind of marriage that suits you, one which can help you to negotiate, and renegotiate, your own values, meaning, and goals.
Find a class at http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html Strengthen your own marriage and/or learn how to become a Marriage Educator and teach the courses in your community. Diane Sollee, founder director, www.SmartMarriages.com®
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Something Old, Something New - Why We Do What We Do - Wedding Traditions
Whether you’re having a large traditional church wedding or a small intimate ceremony, chances are you are going to follow one or more wedding traditions that have been handed down through the ages. Have you ever wondered where these traditions originated and why we do what we do? Here are just a few examples of American wedding traditions:
* One of the most popular wedding phrases is “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue.” This comes from an Old English rhyme and is a superstition to ward off evil spirits. Today traditional brides feature one item from each category in their ensemble. The objects are essentially good-luck charms while each “something” has special significance.
* Something Old - symbolizes the continuity of transition from two single people to a married couple.’
* Something New - represents a transition to adulthood upon marriage.
* Something Borrowed - represents something that had been borrowed from a happily married couple, hoping that their good fortune would be shared.
* Something Blue - symbolizes purity, constancy and fidelity.
* Traditionally, wedding ceremonies end with the couple exchanging wedding rings. The circular ring, with no beginning and no end, symbolizes everlasting love. Americans put the wedding ring on the third finger of the left hand because of the ancient Greek belief that a vein in this finger ran directly to the heart.
* The traditional wedding kiss seals the couple’s union in front of friends and family. Since Roman times, a kiss has been used to bind a legal agreement or seal a betrothal.
* It was also believed in Medieval times that when two people kissed, a part of their souls were left inside the other during the exchange of breath, and that was also symbolic of the union of two people.
* We call it a “toast” when we drink to someone because of an old French custom in which a piece of bread was put in the bottom of the wine cup for flavor. Partygoers would drink and pass the cup until it reached the person being toasted, then he would drain it--crouton and all.
* The garter toss is thought to be an early English custom that evolved from "flinging the stocking." Guests would follow the couple to their bedroom on their wedding night, steal their stockings while they were "distracted," then fling them at the couple. It was thought that the first person to hit either the bride or the groom on the head would be the next to marry. Later, brides tossed a garter at the wedding reception, but then the custom changed to the groom's removing the garter himself and tossing it to his male guests because brides were often forced to fight off drunken male guests who tried to remove the garter themselves! In some Midwestern states, garters are auctioned off rather than tossed.
* Probably the most familiar religious wedding tradition is the lighting of the Unity Candle where two symbolic flames become one. When the Unity Candle is lit by the wedding couple, it symbolizes the merger of two lives into one. When the Unity Candle is lit by a member of the couple’s families (in many cases the mothers of the bride and groom), it symbolizes the forming of two families as well as the unity of the couple in marriage.
Whether you’re planning a large or small wedding, traditional or non-traditional, you’ll probably be affected by at least one of these traditions and now you’ll know why we do what we do!
Karen Gupton is the owner of Exquisite Bridal Accessories, a leading seller of wedding accessories. Visit http://wwww.exquisitebridal.cathysexpress.com for toasting glasses, garters, unity candles and much more.
* One of the most popular wedding phrases is “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue.” This comes from an Old English rhyme and is a superstition to ward off evil spirits. Today traditional brides feature one item from each category in their ensemble. The objects are essentially good-luck charms while each “something” has special significance.
* Something Old - symbolizes the continuity of transition from two single people to a married couple.’
* Something New - represents a transition to adulthood upon marriage.
* Something Borrowed - represents something that had been borrowed from a happily married couple, hoping that their good fortune would be shared.
* Something Blue - symbolizes purity, constancy and fidelity.
* Traditionally, wedding ceremonies end with the couple exchanging wedding rings. The circular ring, with no beginning and no end, symbolizes everlasting love. Americans put the wedding ring on the third finger of the left hand because of the ancient Greek belief that a vein in this finger ran directly to the heart.
* The traditional wedding kiss seals the couple’s union in front of friends and family. Since Roman times, a kiss has been used to bind a legal agreement or seal a betrothal.
* It was also believed in Medieval times that when two people kissed, a part of their souls were left inside the other during the exchange of breath, and that was also symbolic of the union of two people.
* We call it a “toast” when we drink to someone because of an old French custom in which a piece of bread was put in the bottom of the wine cup for flavor. Partygoers would drink and pass the cup until it reached the person being toasted, then he would drain it--crouton and all.
* The garter toss is thought to be an early English custom that evolved from "flinging the stocking." Guests would follow the couple to their bedroom on their wedding night, steal their stockings while they were "distracted," then fling them at the couple. It was thought that the first person to hit either the bride or the groom on the head would be the next to marry. Later, brides tossed a garter at the wedding reception, but then the custom changed to the groom's removing the garter himself and tossing it to his male guests because brides were often forced to fight off drunken male guests who tried to remove the garter themselves! In some Midwestern states, garters are auctioned off rather than tossed.
* Probably the most familiar religious wedding tradition is the lighting of the Unity Candle where two symbolic flames become one. When the Unity Candle is lit by the wedding couple, it symbolizes the merger of two lives into one. When the Unity Candle is lit by a member of the couple’s families (in many cases the mothers of the bride and groom), it symbolizes the forming of two families as well as the unity of the couple in marriage.
Whether you’re planning a large or small wedding, traditional or non-traditional, you’ll probably be affected by at least one of these traditions and now you’ll know why we do what we do!
Karen Gupton is the owner of Exquisite Bridal Accessories, a leading seller of wedding accessories. Visit http://wwww.exquisitebridal.cathysexpress.com for toasting glasses, garters, unity candles and much more.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The Wedding Cake And Its Significance
A wedding is never complete without a wedding cake. This is one of the highlights of a wedding reception. The bigger it is, the grander the wedding reception seems. But have you ever wondered where the tradition of wedding cakes came from?
Wedding Cakes in the Olden Times
Wedding cakes are said to have come from the great Roman Empire. Before cakes and icings were invented, wedding cakes were usually loaves of barley bread made especially for that occasion. The groom will eat a piece of the loaf and break the remaining loaf over the head of his bride. This signifies the groom’s breaking of the virginal condition of the bride and his subsequent power and control over her.
Medieval England’s version of a wedding cake is little sweet buns stacked high in front of the couple. The newlywed would then kiss over this huge pile. If done successfully, then it is said that the couple will have many children to come.
Wedding Cakes and Guests
The bride’s pie was very popular during the 17th century. This is usually made up of sweet breads, mutton pie or mince pie that is to be shared by the guests. What makes this interesting is the glass ring that is hidden inside the pie. The lady who finds it is said to be the next one to marry.
The bride will pass a piece of cake through her wedding ring and distribute it among their guests. It was said that whoever sleeps with this piece of wedding cake under their pillow will see their future partners in their dreams.
White as the Color of Most Wedding Cakes
White has become a special color of wedding cakes for very obvious reasons as white signifies purity. But for practical reasons, most wedding cakes during the Victorian period were white not because it signifies purity but because ingredients for a colored icing were difficult to obtain. As refined sugar is its main ingredient, the whiter the wedding cake is, the more prosperous the family seems.
Modern Wedding Cakes
The cutting of the wedding cake is a tradition that we have witnessed a dozen times. The bride is the one who cuts the cake aided by the groom. Then they would feed each other a piece of cake from that first slice of the wedding cake. This symbolizes their commitment to one another and the promise that they would provide for each other. It is also said that the bigger the piece of cake fed to each other, the larger number of children that they will have in the future.
White is still the favorite color of the couple for their wedding cake, but other colors have been used as well to match the wedding gown or the motif of the wedding. Although single-layer wedding cakes are still popular, it is quickly being replaced by multi-tiered wedding cakes of two or even three layers. More detailed and elaborate designs are also seen in wedding cakes, adding elegance and unique personal touch to the wedding.
Eric Hartwell oversees "The World 's Best Homepage" intended to be a resource where YOUR opinion counts. Anybody can contribute and all are welcomed - visit to read or comment upon marriage.
Wedding Cakes in the Olden Times
Wedding cakes are said to have come from the great Roman Empire. Before cakes and icings were invented, wedding cakes were usually loaves of barley bread made especially for that occasion. The groom will eat a piece of the loaf and break the remaining loaf over the head of his bride. This signifies the groom’s breaking of the virginal condition of the bride and his subsequent power and control over her.
Medieval England’s version of a wedding cake is little sweet buns stacked high in front of the couple. The newlywed would then kiss over this huge pile. If done successfully, then it is said that the couple will have many children to come.
Wedding Cakes and Guests
The bride’s pie was very popular during the 17th century. This is usually made up of sweet breads, mutton pie or mince pie that is to be shared by the guests. What makes this interesting is the glass ring that is hidden inside the pie. The lady who finds it is said to be the next one to marry.
The bride will pass a piece of cake through her wedding ring and distribute it among their guests. It was said that whoever sleeps with this piece of wedding cake under their pillow will see their future partners in their dreams.
White as the Color of Most Wedding Cakes
White has become a special color of wedding cakes for very obvious reasons as white signifies purity. But for practical reasons, most wedding cakes during the Victorian period were white not because it signifies purity but because ingredients for a colored icing were difficult to obtain. As refined sugar is its main ingredient, the whiter the wedding cake is, the more prosperous the family seems.
Modern Wedding Cakes
The cutting of the wedding cake is a tradition that we have witnessed a dozen times. The bride is the one who cuts the cake aided by the groom. Then they would feed each other a piece of cake from that first slice of the wedding cake. This symbolizes their commitment to one another and the promise that they would provide for each other. It is also said that the bigger the piece of cake fed to each other, the larger number of children that they will have in the future.
White is still the favorite color of the couple for their wedding cake, but other colors have been used as well to match the wedding gown or the motif of the wedding. Although single-layer wedding cakes are still popular, it is quickly being replaced by multi-tiered wedding cakes of two or even three layers. More detailed and elaborate designs are also seen in wedding cakes, adding elegance and unique personal touch to the wedding.
Eric Hartwell oversees "The World 's Best Homepage" intended to be a resource where YOUR opinion counts. Anybody can contribute and all are welcomed - visit to read or comment upon marriage.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Wedding Minister Payment, Gratuity Suggestions
Many brides and grooms, or their parents, are very shy when it comes to making payments to a wedding professional in person, but they are generally more embarrassed when dealing with their wedding clergy in regards to payment, and especially a giving a gratuity. I've been on both ends of the wedding altar and I can tell you that it 's much easier to deal with than you think and there 's a smart way.
Everyone is a bit unsure of what 's proper mostly because wedding ministers as a whole have historically dealt with rituals and properness in situations and most folks do not want to cross the line. But remember that wedding professionals deal with this issue on a daily basis and so they understand your uncomfortableness and they have seen it quite a bit. To them, it 's part of the work day.
Do I tip? Definitely, yes. How much? It depends, but it 's not unusual to double a fee. How? There 's a good time to pay the gratuity when you pay the balance of your officiant fee. Why? Because t.i.p. stands for to insure proper service. Your marriage officiant is still holding your marriage license when you part ways (they're required usually to file it themselves). Where? At the signing.
How do you pay and tip with class? It 's not so difficult after all. Tipping anyone should be done with joy and gratitude. Consider the following wedding information.
Most officiants charge from $275 to $900 for a wedding ceremony. It all depends on your wedding ceremony location, what things you feel you need from your wedding minister and how busy they are. The busier the wedding minister, the more expensive they'll be generally.
Most wedding vendors will ask for a deposit in advance and the remainder to be paid on the day of the wedding. Do remember to make a prompt deposit as wedding professionals do get calls and emails constantly. A typical wedding professional gets anywhere from 10 to 100 requests a day. That 's a lot time requests to be juggling. Frankly, the first person to commit by putting down a deposit is the one who wins that time slot.
We recommend that you send the officiant you have chosen the deposit by check or by credit card immediately so that you do have a hold on their time and also so that there is a paper trail. However, in my experience, the balance should be paid by cash.
When you pay the balance it is usually more embarrassing for people since it is in person and there 's no "right moment". But there is.
The best thing to do is to bring an envelope with each wedding vendor 's name on it and put the remainder in cash in the envelope. If you are in a large wedding, hand these to your best man or the father of the bride (which makes him feel more important) and tell them to distribute the money for you.
Do make sure to pay by your wedding minister 's balance in cash or your license may not be filed in time for the check to clear. Even worse, if you are traveling after your wedding and your check bounces, you may find that you are not married by the time you return from your honeymoon. A wedding officiant is required to file your marriage license within a certain amount of time with the county, usually 10 days. If they are paid by check and it bounces while you are in Tahiti then you may have a bit of a problem as that wedding clergy doesn't know if you'll be paying on your bad check.
The best time to pay is at the signing of the marriage license. There is always a shuffling of papers from each person and when the wedding officiant signs it you can easily hand the envelope over with a "Thank you!"
And don't forget the minister gratuity. You can include that in the envelope as well. What is the proper tip for an officiant? $75 - $150 is the proper officiant gratuity and if that seems to be too much to you, consider this: your wedding officiant is probably the least paid of most of the wedding professionals present at your wedding and yet you need that one person at your wedding ceremony more than anyone else there, or else. . . you wouldn't be married. Yes, you don't need to tip a wedding official but think of it this way: it 's good karma and a good way to start your marriage with a positive vibe from the one person who joined you as husband and wife.
Maxwell Elliott is the owner and operator of U.S. Officiants and has been in the wedding business for many years.
Everyone is a bit unsure of what 's proper mostly because wedding ministers as a whole have historically dealt with rituals and properness in situations and most folks do not want to cross the line. But remember that wedding professionals deal with this issue on a daily basis and so they understand your uncomfortableness and they have seen it quite a bit. To them, it 's part of the work day.
Do I tip? Definitely, yes. How much? It depends, but it 's not unusual to double a fee. How? There 's a good time to pay the gratuity when you pay the balance of your officiant fee. Why? Because t.i.p. stands for to insure proper service. Your marriage officiant is still holding your marriage license when you part ways (they're required usually to file it themselves). Where? At the signing.
How do you pay and tip with class? It 's not so difficult after all. Tipping anyone should be done with joy and gratitude. Consider the following wedding information.
Most officiants charge from $275 to $900 for a wedding ceremony. It all depends on your wedding ceremony location, what things you feel you need from your wedding minister and how busy they are. The busier the wedding minister, the more expensive they'll be generally.
Most wedding vendors will ask for a deposit in advance and the remainder to be paid on the day of the wedding. Do remember to make a prompt deposit as wedding professionals do get calls and emails constantly. A typical wedding professional gets anywhere from 10 to 100 requests a day. That 's a lot time requests to be juggling. Frankly, the first person to commit by putting down a deposit is the one who wins that time slot.
We recommend that you send the officiant you have chosen the deposit by check or by credit card immediately so that you do have a hold on their time and also so that there is a paper trail. However, in my experience, the balance should be paid by cash.
When you pay the balance it is usually more embarrassing for people since it is in person and there 's no "right moment". But there is.
The best thing to do is to bring an envelope with each wedding vendor 's name on it and put the remainder in cash in the envelope. If you are in a large wedding, hand these to your best man or the father of the bride (which makes him feel more important) and tell them to distribute the money for you.
Do make sure to pay by your wedding minister 's balance in cash or your license may not be filed in time for the check to clear. Even worse, if you are traveling after your wedding and your check bounces, you may find that you are not married by the time you return from your honeymoon. A wedding officiant is required to file your marriage license within a certain amount of time with the county, usually 10 days. If they are paid by check and it bounces while you are in Tahiti then you may have a bit of a problem as that wedding clergy doesn't know if you'll be paying on your bad check.
The best time to pay is at the signing of the marriage license. There is always a shuffling of papers from each person and when the wedding officiant signs it you can easily hand the envelope over with a "Thank you!"
And don't forget the minister gratuity. You can include that in the envelope as well. What is the proper tip for an officiant? $75 - $150 is the proper officiant gratuity and if that seems to be too much to you, consider this: your wedding officiant is probably the least paid of most of the wedding professionals present at your wedding and yet you need that one person at your wedding ceremony more than anyone else there, or else. . . you wouldn't be married. Yes, you don't need to tip a wedding official but think of it this way: it 's good karma and a good way to start your marriage with a positive vibe from the one person who joined you as husband and wife.
Maxwell Elliott is the owner and operator of U.S. Officiants and has been in the wedding business for many years.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Eliminate Stress - Choose A Wedding Planner
While planning a wedding can be exciting, there is also much stress that comes with being the bride. If you are already working a full-time job or you are going to school full-time, you may not have the time that you need to plan your wedding.
That is, without getting too stressed and worn out. One way that you can get rid of the stress of planning your wedding while still keeping control and having fun is to choose a great wedding planner to help you out with all the details.
Picking a great wedding planner can help ease your load and reduce the stress that comes with most weddings.
Check Them Out
If you decide that you do want to use a wedding planner, you will want to make sure that you find the perfect one to work with you and your groom. One of the most important things to consider when you are trying to pick out a wedding planner is whether they have the credentials. You need to make sure that they have a license for business before you start working with them. To check them out you can look at their website if they have one or you can even go to the Better Business Bureau and check with them. This is your wedding and you want to make sure that you are dealing with a professional who will help you make your wedding great. You want to avoid hiring someone who will run off with your money.
When you are choosing a wedding planner you will also want to be sure that you find someone who has a great personality and who can work in a team. If you meet with the wedding planner and he or she makes a bad impression, does not hit it off with you, or is too pushy, you should consider someone else.
Good Working Relationship
Even though you are using a wedding planner, this is still your wedding and you are using the planner to help you, not to make all the choices for you. It is important to build a good working relationship with the planner. While you can insist they follow your instructions, it is much better to listen to hear if they could do something quicker or for less money. After all, they do have experience in the market.
Consider the Cost
The cost is another thing to consider when you are trying to pick the right wedding planner. You may want to take the time to compare various wedding planners and their rates. Check the rates closely and make sure they cover everything you will need. While you do want to get a good deal when hiring a planner, you also want to make sure that you get quality as well.
Sometimes paying a little bit more can help you get a wedding planner that is more your style and that will prove to be more helpful with your wedding and what you need. No matter what, you need to remember that this is going to be one of the biggest days of your life, and you want to make sure that it goes smoothly and with as little stress as possible for you.
Get the latest in wedding planner know how from the only true source at http://www.weddingknack.com. Check out our wedding planner pages.
That is, without getting too stressed and worn out. One way that you can get rid of the stress of planning your wedding while still keeping control and having fun is to choose a great wedding planner to help you out with all the details.
Picking a great wedding planner can help ease your load and reduce the stress that comes with most weddings.
Check Them Out
If you decide that you do want to use a wedding planner, you will want to make sure that you find the perfect one to work with you and your groom. One of the most important things to consider when you are trying to pick out a wedding planner is whether they have the credentials. You need to make sure that they have a license for business before you start working with them. To check them out you can look at their website if they have one or you can even go to the Better Business Bureau and check with them. This is your wedding and you want to make sure that you are dealing with a professional who will help you make your wedding great. You want to avoid hiring someone who will run off with your money.
When you are choosing a wedding planner you will also want to be sure that you find someone who has a great personality and who can work in a team. If you meet with the wedding planner and he or she makes a bad impression, does not hit it off with you, or is too pushy, you should consider someone else.
Good Working Relationship
Even though you are using a wedding planner, this is still your wedding and you are using the planner to help you, not to make all the choices for you. It is important to build a good working relationship with the planner. While you can insist they follow your instructions, it is much better to listen to hear if they could do something quicker or for less money. After all, they do have experience in the market.
Consider the Cost
The cost is another thing to consider when you are trying to pick the right wedding planner. You may want to take the time to compare various wedding planners and their rates. Check the rates closely and make sure they cover everything you will need. While you do want to get a good deal when hiring a planner, you also want to make sure that you get quality as well.
Sometimes paying a little bit more can help you get a wedding planner that is more your style and that will prove to be more helpful with your wedding and what you need. No matter what, you need to remember that this is going to be one of the biggest days of your life, and you want to make sure that it goes smoothly and with as little stress as possible for you.
Get the latest in wedding planner know how from the only true source at http://www.weddingknack.com. Check out our wedding planner pages.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
How to Write Your Own Wedding Vow?
Wedding vow is the belief of you about your wedding and love to your partner. It would be nice if you would write it yourself. Your guests would be impressed. They might have attended a lot of wedding ceremony before and heard the wedding vow many times already. It would make them hard to engage into the ceremony if the vow is just a script which has been used for thousand times before.
The following are some tips if you are planning to write your own wedding vows:
1. Consult before you write
Make sure you can use your own wedding vows before your write. There is no point to spend so much time and effort to write your wedding vow and finally you find that you cannot use it on your wedding day! Therefore you should ask your minister or registrar as detailed as you can. Check if there is anything you need to pay attention to before you really start to write your vow.
2. Be true to yourself
The most touching vow is a vow written from your heart. It is meaningless to make up fake stories. And the truth is that the wedding is for you and your partner but not for pleasing anyone who attends your wedding. Therefore, it is important to share your true feeling in the vow and people would be impressed by your honesty and sincere.
3. Back to the past
You might recall some old memories in the past, someone helped in your love affair, for example. It would help to tight your guests to your wedding. However, you should remember to keep it brief. Otherwise your guests would fall asleep and your wedding would run too long.
4. Do not be too personal
Your wedding vow is certainly personal. However, it should not be too personal otherwise your guests would feel like an outsider and feel very isolated.
5. Agreements with your partner
You can discuss with your partner about the contents of your wedding vows. If you two decide to write the wedding vows separately, make sure the length of them is about the same or else the shorter vow may gives the guests an impression that it is just a left over part.
6. Be humorous
The wedding vow need not to be too formal. You can always write your wedding vows with a sense of humor. An humorous wedding vow is by no means better than a boring vow. What is important is that you should show your commitment on your wedding and love for your partner.
7. Be brief
Pace is very important. Do not make the wedding vow too long. It is important to keep it brief and more accurate so that your guests can engage into your wedding easily.
8. Practice, Practice and Practice
Practice your wedding vows before your big day! Practice makes perfect. You would find it more enjoyable when you feel confident to read your vows.
9. Safety measures
There is no harm to make safety measures. You can put your wedding vow on a paper in note form. So that even if you forget some lines, you can still refer to the note.
Revise and practice make prefect. Start to write your wedding vows as early as possible so that you will have enough time to rewrite and discuss it with your partner. It would be worth spending some time with the compliment from your guests. It would be one of the things that makes your wedding day more unique and special.
Jerry Leung is a wedding invitation designer with great interest in Chinese Style Wedding cards. His works are in 983 Wedding Invitation. He runs A Wedding Blog and shares Wedding Tips
The following are some tips if you are planning to write your own wedding vows:
1. Consult before you write
Make sure you can use your own wedding vows before your write. There is no point to spend so much time and effort to write your wedding vow and finally you find that you cannot use it on your wedding day! Therefore you should ask your minister or registrar as detailed as you can. Check if there is anything you need to pay attention to before you really start to write your vow.
2. Be true to yourself
The most touching vow is a vow written from your heart. It is meaningless to make up fake stories. And the truth is that the wedding is for you and your partner but not for pleasing anyone who attends your wedding. Therefore, it is important to share your true feeling in the vow and people would be impressed by your honesty and sincere.
3. Back to the past
You might recall some old memories in the past, someone helped in your love affair, for example. It would help to tight your guests to your wedding. However, you should remember to keep it brief. Otherwise your guests would fall asleep and your wedding would run too long.
4. Do not be too personal
Your wedding vow is certainly personal. However, it should not be too personal otherwise your guests would feel like an outsider and feel very isolated.
5. Agreements with your partner
You can discuss with your partner about the contents of your wedding vows. If you two decide to write the wedding vows separately, make sure the length of them is about the same or else the shorter vow may gives the guests an impression that it is just a left over part.
6. Be humorous
The wedding vow need not to be too formal. You can always write your wedding vows with a sense of humor. An humorous wedding vow is by no means better than a boring vow. What is important is that you should show your commitment on your wedding and love for your partner.
7. Be brief
Pace is very important. Do not make the wedding vow too long. It is important to keep it brief and more accurate so that your guests can engage into your wedding easily.
8. Practice, Practice and Practice
Practice your wedding vows before your big day! Practice makes perfect. You would find it more enjoyable when you feel confident to read your vows.
9. Safety measures
There is no harm to make safety measures. You can put your wedding vow on a paper in note form. So that even if you forget some lines, you can still refer to the note.
Revise and practice make prefect. Start to write your wedding vows as early as possible so that you will have enough time to rewrite and discuss it with your partner. It would be worth spending some time with the compliment from your guests. It would be one of the things that makes your wedding day more unique and special.
Jerry Leung is a wedding invitation designer with great interest in Chinese Style Wedding cards. His works are in 983 Wedding Invitation. He runs A Wedding Blog and shares Wedding Tips
Monday, March 3, 2008
The Top Reasons for Divorce Exposed
Divorce, an ugly word at best, but over half of us will go through it, at least once. What are the top reasons for divorce, and if you see them listed here, can it really help you? If you or a friends marriage is approaching divorce, or if it is all ready there, take a long hard look at these top reasons for divorce to see if you can pin point what the problem is, or what the problem was.
1) Infidelity - Yes, the big "I". The number one top reasons for divorce in America today. Can this reason be solved? Even I cannot answer that. This is the hardest reason to deal with. The word "WHY" is prominent here for the spouse that has been cheated on.
2) Poor Communication - Don'tt take a spouse or marriage for granted. It needs constant work. Constant communication. Talk to each other, talk about things, anything, just talk. Poor communication is probably one of the easiest of the top reasons for divorce to solve. Just start communicating, and work on it daily. This is a two way plan though.
3) Financial - You will need to work on your finances as a team, not as an individual. Marriage is a team sport, and all financial decisions should be made as a team. If you both made bad financial decisions, it 's harder to get mad at each other. If only one of the persons in the marriage is handling the finances, then it is simple to see why the other person cannot seem to understand where all the money is going, then the fights start. Work together on your finances and both your eyes will be opened.
4) Addictions - This is the fastest growing of the top reasons for divorce. Sorry to say, this cannot be first solved firstly in the marriage itself. The one with the addiction has to come to terms with their addiction first, then they can work with their spouse to recover from the addiction and repair the marriage. This is not only a notorious killer of marriages; it is a notorious killer of people. If you love your spouse, you owe it to them to help them recover from their addiction. Remember, you are not the problem, the addiction is. Get rid of the addiction, and you get rid of the problem
5) Changes in Priority - This is a problem that results when there are big changes in your lives. Changes like kids. Maybe it 's no longer just the two of you, life is changing. She seems to care more about the kids than her husband Changes like careers, and now he seems to care more about the career than his wife. There will always be changes in your lives, but in a marriage, you both have to change together. In marriage you have to be a team. If one of you has started a new career, you both have actually started the new career. Treat it that way and you will see less stress in your marriage.
Well, these are the top reasons for divorce today in North America. There are actually many more, but 80% of the population will find their reasons in the list above. If you marriage is still together, and you both want to save it, work on these topics, and work hard. Every good marriage is worth saving if there is still the element of love between you. In closing the top reasons for divorce really, really do not matter. What matters most is both of your 's top reasons for staying together? Think about that for a while.
Joseph J. Wood, as a professional researcher and author, has dramatically helped many experiencing or about to experience divorce through his writings. On his website,http://www.divorceandyourfamily.info he outlines many more ideas on this topic.
1) Infidelity - Yes, the big "I". The number one top reasons for divorce in America today. Can this reason be solved? Even I cannot answer that. This is the hardest reason to deal with. The word "WHY" is prominent here for the spouse that has been cheated on.
2) Poor Communication - Don'tt take a spouse or marriage for granted. It needs constant work. Constant communication. Talk to each other, talk about things, anything, just talk. Poor communication is probably one of the easiest of the top reasons for divorce to solve. Just start communicating, and work on it daily. This is a two way plan though.
3) Financial - You will need to work on your finances as a team, not as an individual. Marriage is a team sport, and all financial decisions should be made as a team. If you both made bad financial decisions, it 's harder to get mad at each other. If only one of the persons in the marriage is handling the finances, then it is simple to see why the other person cannot seem to understand where all the money is going, then the fights start. Work together on your finances and both your eyes will be opened.
4) Addictions - This is the fastest growing of the top reasons for divorce. Sorry to say, this cannot be first solved firstly in the marriage itself. The one with the addiction has to come to terms with their addiction first, then they can work with their spouse to recover from the addiction and repair the marriage. This is not only a notorious killer of marriages; it is a notorious killer of people. If you love your spouse, you owe it to them to help them recover from their addiction. Remember, you are not the problem, the addiction is. Get rid of the addiction, and you get rid of the problem
5) Changes in Priority - This is a problem that results when there are big changes in your lives. Changes like kids. Maybe it 's no longer just the two of you, life is changing. She seems to care more about the kids than her husband Changes like careers, and now he seems to care more about the career than his wife. There will always be changes in your lives, but in a marriage, you both have to change together. In marriage you have to be a team. If one of you has started a new career, you both have actually started the new career. Treat it that way and you will see less stress in your marriage.
Well, these are the top reasons for divorce today in North America. There are actually many more, but 80% of the population will find their reasons in the list above. If you marriage is still together, and you both want to save it, work on these topics, and work hard. Every good marriage is worth saving if there is still the element of love between you. In closing the top reasons for divorce really, really do not matter. What matters most is both of your 's top reasons for staying together? Think about that for a while.
Joseph J. Wood, as a professional researcher and author, has dramatically helped many experiencing or about to experience divorce through his writings. On his website,http://www.divorceandyourfamily.info he outlines many more ideas on this topic.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Marriage Counseling
Marriages may be made in heaven but they are consummated here on earth. Like all things in life, marriages too have their share of ups and downs. In fact the only thing in life that is constant is change. The statement might seem rather oxymoronic at first but the truth is that all marriages have their share of brilliant moments and difficult times. In fact the reason why the divorce rate is ever increasing in countries around the world is that people have stopped trying to make relationships work.
The law requires that every single divorce petition be followed by a period of separation, not because the courts are busy but because sometimes a time out helps. In fact the reason why courts actually recommend a time out is to allow a couple to undergo marriage Counseling. Marriage Counseling is perhaps one of the biggest marriage savers on the planet. Sometimes no matter how hard people try they cannot reconcile with each other and it requires a professional to help people sort out their differences. Today a marriage counsellor is seen in the same light as a doctor or surgeon. There is no denying that marriage counsellors have helped millions of people the world over save their marriages.
Talk to any marriage counsellor and the first thing he or she will tell you is that all marriages are usually a case of communication problem. Sometimes two people may completely loose their power to communicate with each other, and without knowing it can drift apart. The first thing that a marriage counsellor does is re-establish the communication that once existed between couples. Sometimes all it takes is for two people to get back together is to discuss with each other what is bothering them.
Often people assume that all differences or problems can be reconciled with marriage Counseling this is partially true. For example if a spouse has been unfaithful and cannot bring him or herself to forgive his/her partner, there is very little a marriage counsellor can do if the spouse is genuinely not interested in reconciling his or her differences.
For marriage Counseling to work the first thing that is essential is a will to make the relationship work. As mentioned in the beginning of the article too many people have chosen the simpler route of giving up on their relationships instead of trying to make them work. A marriage counsellor not only helps two individuals work together to build a strong relationship but marriage Counseling on a whole is designed to help to people discover what made their relationship special in the first place.
Remember a marriage counsellor can only help if you are willing to help yourself. If you are just looking to follow legal council and attend marriage Counseling as a formality, then you are better of preserving your time and energy for the lengthy court battle that will ensue once the divorce proceedings begin. Don�t give up on a marriage without giving marriage Counseling a try. Sometimes the smallest problems can turn into major issues, all it takes is an expert to help you resolve your conflicts and build a stronger foundation for the future.
Chris Hartwell is the author of this article on Marriage Counseling.Find more information about Marriage Counseling here.
The law requires that every single divorce petition be followed by a period of separation, not because the courts are busy but because sometimes a time out helps. In fact the reason why courts actually recommend a time out is to allow a couple to undergo marriage Counseling. Marriage Counseling is perhaps one of the biggest marriage savers on the planet. Sometimes no matter how hard people try they cannot reconcile with each other and it requires a professional to help people sort out their differences. Today a marriage counsellor is seen in the same light as a doctor or surgeon. There is no denying that marriage counsellors have helped millions of people the world over save their marriages.
Talk to any marriage counsellor and the first thing he or she will tell you is that all marriages are usually a case of communication problem. Sometimes two people may completely loose their power to communicate with each other, and without knowing it can drift apart. The first thing that a marriage counsellor does is re-establish the communication that once existed between couples. Sometimes all it takes is for two people to get back together is to discuss with each other what is bothering them.
Often people assume that all differences or problems can be reconciled with marriage Counseling this is partially true. For example if a spouse has been unfaithful and cannot bring him or herself to forgive his/her partner, there is very little a marriage counsellor can do if the spouse is genuinely not interested in reconciling his or her differences.
For marriage Counseling to work the first thing that is essential is a will to make the relationship work. As mentioned in the beginning of the article too many people have chosen the simpler route of giving up on their relationships instead of trying to make them work. A marriage counsellor not only helps two individuals work together to build a strong relationship but marriage Counseling on a whole is designed to help to people discover what made their relationship special in the first place.
Remember a marriage counsellor can only help if you are willing to help yourself. If you are just looking to follow legal council and attend marriage Counseling as a formality, then you are better of preserving your time and energy for the lengthy court battle that will ensue once the divorce proceedings begin. Don�t give up on a marriage without giving marriage Counseling a try. Sometimes the smallest problems can turn into major issues, all it takes is an expert to help you resolve your conflicts and build a stronger foundation for the future.
Chris Hartwell is the author of this article on Marriage Counseling.Find more information about Marriage Counseling here.
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